This is an excerpt from Owned No More — The life of a Salesman — now available in Paperback and in Digital form. Purchase here:
My father died when I was 6 years old. He left all of his possessions to my mother. I was the youngest of 6 kids and one of 3 boys. My mother didn’t like me all that much. Oh she loved me, but she just didn’t like me. She would tell me this when she put me to sleep at night.
“Love you! Don’t like you very much, but you are my son.”
“Love you too, mom. Mom? Did dad like me?” I would ask.
“Yes he did, honey, he loved you.”
“So how come you don’t like me much?”
“Not sure — but I love you.”
“So you love me so much that you cannot like me?”
“I guess you can say that — now go to sleep.”
I would lay in bed and hear my siblings hanging out in the living room and having a familial relationship. I was 10 years younger than the youngest sibling so I was always the pain in the ass kid. Plus if your mother doesn’t like me why would any of my siblings find reason to like me?
I yearned to be liked by my siblings and my mother. I tried to impress them by babysitting their kids, dressing like them and listening to the same music. All I got in return were some holiday gifts and a thank you here and there. It was as if they blamed me for my father’s death.
In high school, I was the class clown, the actor in the plays and the one who never got the girl — but tried, oh did I try. It wasn’t until 12th grade that a girl admitted to me that she had a crush on me. I was flattered but did not share the same feelings for her. I tried and we dated for a month or so.
During this time we would sneak into her house when her parents were asleep and we would fool around in her basement. There was a guest room there and we took advantage of it. We were each other’s first time and to be honest, I had no idea what I was doing. She called me in tears a couple of weeks later when she was late on her period.
“What does that mean?” Yes I was that ignorant.
“It means I might be pregnant.”
“Pregnant? We only did it one time and it lasted like 3 seconds.”